


Issue 0-06

by Ladyhawk_lhflu, thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-31
Updated: 2006-03-31
Packaged: 2019-02-02 15:37:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12729375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: A series of newspaper articles about the SGC.





	Issue 0-06

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

GENERAL O'NEILL HOSPITALIZED FOR THINKING TOO MUCH

by Ladyhawk and Tree

Colorado Springs, CO--General Jack O'Neill, Stargate Command leader and the only one in the facility who has trouble using a superhero decoder ring, was hospitalized today after suffering from extreme exhaustion. 

The exhaustion occurred while staying at the home of his lover, Dr. Daniel Jackson, SG1 team member and the person most likely to not see the 3 million men and women slobbering all over him every week. "I just asked him to watch the Travel Channel with me. I wasn't expecting it to cause brain damage!" he said, when asked for comment.

But readers should not be fooled by the archeologist's innocent comment. He had more nefarious intents than just sharing his obsession, insisted Colonel Samantha Carter, Dr. Jackson's team leader. "He was actually exacting a vicious revenge, disguised as an innocent request. Once he had changed the channel from ESPN's game of the week to Travel Channel's Must-See Egypt, he tied General O'Neill to the chair he was sitting on, and pumped him full of caffeine pills. Daniel made the General watch Travel and Discovery for 48 hours straight! Why? Because the General shot him in the line of duty!"

"DanielJackson was most dismayed when O'Neill shot him," commented Teal'c, Dr. Jackson's teammate. General O'Neill had shot Dr. Jackson when he was taken over by Anubis, who was a cross between a wardrobe-challenged parasite and a Glowy Squid Person. The resulting hybrid was a noncorporeal being that dressed goth but didn't know the first thing about a mosh pit. "DanielJackson believed that Anubis could have been removed by drowning it in his favorite Columbian blend coffee. He thought that the resulting caffeine high would have shook the being loose from its moorings."

"I confessed everything to Sam and Teal'c after I called 911," reported Dr. Jackson. "Jack was just jerking on the chair by the end of it, as if he had gone into convulsions. I was afraid I was killing him. I didn't want to hurt him, I just wanted to show him I was mad." Dr. Jackson sobbed as he said this.

"Whatever his purpose, Dr. Jackson could have caused permanent damage," Dr. Brightman explained. "Being military, General O'Neill has a lower electrical capacity in his brain than the scientific facility members. The convulsions were caused by overuse of brain neurons. Luckily, General O'Neill's brain is more elastic than most military personnel, as evidenced by his choice of mate. If his brain wasn't flexible, just spending a day with Dr. Jackson would have killed him. He will most likely recover completely in two weeks."

General O'Neill was coherent and available for comment after two days. "My revenge on Daniel will be sweet," he said. "I'm borrowing Spongebob Squarepants tapes from Colonel Ferretti's kids. The illogic of the show will drive Daniel crazy."

Stargate Command will continue to be in Lockdown until it can be verified that the couple's revenge seeking will not cause the stargate's wormholes to explode by building up too much mental energy.


End file.
